NYT 2012

Two-zero-one-two! It's a new year after all. This post is about the New Year and my personal thoughts about it. Just a disclaimer, this is all just my personal thoughts and all about myself, not totally informational but more of personal.Here it goes:

The 2011 has not been really very good to me. But of course there were good things that happened in 2011 too and even the not-good things, I believe they happened for a reason. So let me talk about the good things and the not-good things 2011 brought for a better understanding of my New Year thoughts.

January 2011: It was more focused on work and catching up being the newest team member. I had to step up my game so that I won't be left behind.

February 2011: I went to CamSur for the 18th SFC international conference themed I stand and visited neighboring province Albay and was able to see and appreciate the famous Mayon Volcano.

March 2011: It marked the 4th year of my relationship with Bryan and it was struggling. I tried hard to fight for it. I did better in work to be recognized and hopefully get promoted in September.

April 2011: Bryan came to Manila to celebrate his birthday. I surprised him by inviting some of my friends he knows. I also made a video montage of our his birthday plus our anniversary. We went to Tagaytay

May 2011: Family trip to Bohol, I really wished for this one and I know my mother too (even Papa). SO not minding that I was the one who spend for that vacation, it was indeed a memorable one and meaningful. It was with Mama, Ate Mayet, Kuya Philip, Yvonne and Hanz, Nepo and Cres Ann.

June 2011: It was focused on the service at SFC. We were busy preparing for the incoming CLP but the chpter has been through a lot since April. I've had a lot of disapointments and hurt but did not mind. The service is all for the glory of God.

July 2011: My heart has really been hurt by many aspects. Our relationship is like in a downward spiral. I went to Dagupan Cuty, Pangasinan for the SFC Metro Manila COnference themed Stronghold. It was like what I needed to make a decision.

August 2011: We broke up.I didn't really intend for it to be separating ways but he let go.I was broken hearted because I was not promoted too and too many other heart hurting incidents.

September: I tried keeping my hope, optimism that everything will be okay but those were hard times. I had so much bitterness.

October: Some housemates and Accenture batchmates, we went to CDO for Wilgen's wedding. I had white water rafting in Cagayan rivers and zipline in Bukidnon. One adventurous season of my life. Then we were stranded in Camiguin due to typhoon Ramon. It was indeed an unforgettable times. I went home for Mama's birthday too.

November: ANother heartbreak from so many heart aches. He did not even exerted effort to make way for us. We met at the last day of my Cebu trip and I thought there would be reconciliation but really we didnt talk about it. It hurts. It hurts.

December: So much of everything, I wished the year would just end happy for me but no. It was worst, Mama had attack on my birthday, celebrated Christmas in hospital and the person I thought would be there was not at all.

So here's my two cents of the new Year! 

I'll move on. I'll grow. I'll appreciate more what and who I have. I'll smile. I'll still cry. I'll be stronger. I'll be wiser.

My New Year's thoughts after all:

Be humble.

Be honest.

Be healthy.

Be happy.

Be home.

xoxo

Earthquake hits Manila (7/26/2011)

I was on shift (graveyard) when suddenly around 1:18 AM I felt the office is sharing. I am on the 32nd floor of one of the tall buildings in Ortigas. When the movement continued for few more seconds, I uttered to myself "earthquake" while other officemates were in commotion as well. The swaying really took about 60 - 90 seconds in my rough estimates and it was scary.

I was scared. It was the first time I experienced like that. The hanging wall clocks were swaying too and my head started to feel stange that after, I really felt dizzy. I was worried for my team mate too as just minute before the earthquake he went down to buy food. I was thinking what if he was stuck in the elevator.

Also, as one of the emergency marshals at work, I also have to remember my duties as such. I stood up and look for the other people in the office and started counting them. I waited for the guard to say if  we are to evacuate but it didnt have to happen as 3 mins after the shaking, everything went back to normal and people went back to work including me.

When my teammate was back, I asked him where was he during the earthquake and surprisingly he didnt feel it at all. Thankfully, at least I wont have to worry him getting stucked on the elevator.

Next thing I did was to send message to my close friends to inform and as if they are safe. Good thing, everyone is fine. I did not text my family yet as I do not want them to worry. I research the net, try to check phivolcs site but it was down. Some people have already blog the event as well. Then, I stumble to the US Geo site http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/usc00053yd.php#details.

It was indeed a strong one. I just hope, there was no casualty.

Philvolcs have updated their site too: http://volcano.phivolcs.dost.gov.ph/update_SOEPD/2011_Earthquake_Bulletins/July/2011_0725_1715_B1.htm

Unexpected

Unexpected (4/3/2010)

I do believe that life would give one so many surprises. Kinda the thought on "expect the unexpected". Life is amazingly surprising and unpredictable. Things will just happened and sometimes, they always do not go according to my plan or your plan.


Just few days ago, I recieved a text from an unknown number. The message was simply "hi" so I replied "helo" and ask "May I know who is this?". To my delight or I mean surprise, she was the current girlfriend of my ex way back 3rd year college. This ex of mine, we were ok, I mean we're friends or I thought so. Just last year he was saying about his feelings still for me but knew that I'm committed to somebody. He found it hard to move on, that's what he said. I even asked him, "would it help If I won't communicate with you?", to which he answered "No, he will do it himself when he is ready and still want our commnunication". Of course, he is a friend for me, a dear friend and I'd only wish, we would be friends still no matter what had happened to us in the past. I even shared to him just like a brother how my lovelife currently is on the verge of breaking down and how I'm hanging on to it struggling. Just like brother, friend.

I thought it was ok. But then, around Feb this year, I recieved a text message from his number though the message was from somebody else. The message was for me stop bothering them so I asked who was on the other side sending me message to which he replied, "don't mind the text, sorry for the disturbance". So I forgot about it. About a week after that incident, another text again, more harsh saying i am destroying their lives. I thought it was unfair for me because I am doing nothing. So I asked the guy again, if who was that texting me those stuffs. He just said "ignore it, don't mind". So I dropped my case but I felt being played by not a funny game.

Come March, another thext asking me to stop texting or communicating with the guy. I figured out it was something. Then I recieved a text from the guy asking me to stop texting him anymore. To which I replied, sure I wouldnt bother at all if it helps them and I would love to help them too. Like what I offered before just to help him move on. Case and Point. I already assume that the one texting me is a girlfriend of his wven without him telling me and I really have no intention to intrude into their relationship. What was for me, my relationship with the guy was just friendship after our break up years ago. Of course, I know the limitations of that friendship as I know we had a past and he still felt something for me as he said and I have a relationship.

Come 3rd week of March, I recieved a text from him. He was saying "wish you were here...". He was drinking and drunking as it sounded. So being a concerned person as I am, I replied and asked him what was wrong. He just replied, alcohol helped him momentarily to forget what he felt. So I asked him again, what is really wrong or did they broke up. I assumed from his not-straightforward-answer that it was what happened. I advised him that drinking himself to death does not lessen his problem or solve it. If they broke up, he could always try his best to do all he could do to resolve the issue. It is the obligation of the guy to at least give the effort in trying to solve issue in the relationship. Do the initiative. I said to him "how you won her before, you could use it again to win her back now". His response "I don't know what to do".


March 29 evening, I got a chance to open my facebook account. He popped up facebook chat message. Our felw lines.
H: Hello,
M: Hi,
H:Muzta? (how are you),
M: I'm ok, u?,
H: Fine, graveyard(pertaining to his duty schedule);
M: Good.
M: I mean good that you're fine. GTG (as I just hitched in my friends laptp and internet)

Surprisingly, the day after that I recieved that text I mentioned earlier. He mentioned her name, so I asked what could I do for her in the most friendly way I know. She replied "nothing, just want to thank you for giving him a piece of advice to win me back". She even added words like he really loves her because he did his best to win her  back. I eagerly replied, "no problem, I'm glad to help people in love and I'm glad you're both ok now". I said thesewords because it was intention the first place and indeed I was happy that they were okay. I thought it was reconciliation for her and for me though there is really nothing for me but I am happy if that would give her peace of mind.


The next things or texts messages that followed were totally unexpected.  I thought it was okay already when few moments later she texted again. So many words, basically her argument was that I am destroying their relationship whcih I really don't know how to answer, I'm innocent. I wanted to shout. At first, I was holding back my irritation on those crazy arguments she threw. I tried not to response even I really wanted but then, I've gone out of patience and replied to her insecurity issues.

When you're thrown a stone specially if you do not know where it was coming, when it hits you. It really hurts. That's I felt, I really don't know why am I causing her pain or her problems. I am innocent. So I defended myself. We exchange words but in my part I'm still trying my best to hold back emotions from her painful words. I know that she just was carried away by whatever emotions she felt. In the end, I felt tired of arguing, defending myself. It was actually pointless, she has a closed mind. All she has was anger, wrath and rage for me which I really was hurt. Why someone could hate me as such when Im doing nothing.

I realized, I shouldn't have responded to her arguments. I shouldn't have reciprocated her messages/insults/painful nothings. I just should have tried to understand whatever she moght be going through. But I am just human, I got hurt too. That was natural tendency to defend myself, any human would do. When are are being attacked. But then, all it got me was more insults, more harsh words and it hurts even more. I tried calm myself. I was i the office that time, so I have to focus too. From morning till afternoon, I continued recieving texts from her. I asked for God's wisdom in that moment and the guidance to respond to her. My last text for her that day was simply tothank her for the stones because at that time, those stones really made something for me. I never ever encountered that kind of situation in my life and somehow I survived it without crying as much as I would really like to.

That day was Good Monday, I attended a Lenten recollection that night and HE gave me the answer as to why something like that day happened to me. In preparation for my holiest week. The next day, going in peace to the office when all of a sudden around lunch time, she texted again.Much worst than yesterday, I felt opressed. Cursing words even. It's like I am a condemned criminal for her. It's really self-devastating but I remained calm, strong and understanding. With all the humility no matter how hard it was. I finally let out one last long text to her. It said there, I really wouldnt want to text or reply to her at all to avoid anymore arguments. The accumulations of pain on both sides while we continued to argue is just intolerable anymore. I kept thinking how to do it, be humble and ask for apology for a sin I know I didnt do. But I did. With all humility and kindness, I gave her forgiveness and I asked apology. She replied again, she didnt need my forgiveness. She hates me. That hurts.


I didnt reply anymore. I deleted their numbers. The connection and prayed they live in peace. Life gives us the unexpected, sometimes surprisingly great sometimes surprisingly troublesome. It's how we deal with it.

ROseHYAcinth