What Am I?

Am I a Carrot? an Egg? or a Coffee Bean?

From Anonymous:
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked. "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity—boiling water—but each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another lever? 

I wish that right now I have the courage to say that I am a coffee bean. That whatever the circumstances, in the worst and the darkest days, I would get better and stronger and be able to change the situation around me. I would love to think that i do get better and stronger and can manage everything.

But sometimes, it seems to me that I am a carrot. Looking so tough and so strong at first but after the storm gets wilt, soft, damaged and lose strength and then like a baby crying so hard under the comfort of my pillows in the loneliest times.

And I tend be an egg that became hardened and stiff and succumb to pretending that I'm the same. I'm okay but on the inside is full of bitterness and pain and hard feelings.

I guess I am all three at times but I want to  be just one.

I hope I could be a coffee bean.

How about you?



NYT 2012

Two-zero-one-two! It's a new year after all. This post is about the New Year and my personal thoughts about it. Just a disclaimer, this is all just my personal thoughts and all about myself, not totally informational but more of personal.Here it goes:

The 2011 has not been really very good to me. But of course there were good things that happened in 2011 too and even the not-good things, I believe they happened for a reason. So let me talk about the good things and the not-good things 2011 brought for a better understanding of my New Year thoughts.

January 2011: It was more focused on work and catching up being the newest team member. I had to step up my game so that I won't be left behind.

February 2011: I went to CamSur for the 18th SFC international conference themed I stand and visited neighboring province Albay and was able to see and appreciate the famous Mayon Volcano.

March 2011: It marked the 4th year of my relationship with Bryan and it was struggling. I tried hard to fight for it. I did better in work to be recognized and hopefully get promoted in September.

April 2011: Bryan came to Manila to celebrate his birthday. I surprised him by inviting some of my friends he knows. I also made a video montage of our his birthday plus our anniversary. We went to Tagaytay

May 2011: Family trip to Bohol, I really wished for this one and I know my mother too (even Papa). SO not minding that I was the one who spend for that vacation, it was indeed a memorable one and meaningful. It was with Mama, Ate Mayet, Kuya Philip, Yvonne and Hanz, Nepo and Cres Ann.

June 2011: It was focused on the service at SFC. We were busy preparing for the incoming CLP but the chpter has been through a lot since April. I've had a lot of disapointments and hurt but did not mind. The service is all for the glory of God.

July 2011: My heart has really been hurt by many aspects. Our relationship is like in a downward spiral. I went to Dagupan Cuty, Pangasinan for the SFC Metro Manila COnference themed Stronghold. It was like what I needed to make a decision.

August 2011: We broke up.I didn't really intend for it to be separating ways but he let go.I was broken hearted because I was not promoted too and too many other heart hurting incidents.

September: I tried keeping my hope, optimism that everything will be okay but those were hard times. I had so much bitterness.

October: Some housemates and Accenture batchmates, we went to CDO for Wilgen's wedding. I had white water rafting in Cagayan rivers and zipline in Bukidnon. One adventurous season of my life. Then we were stranded in Camiguin due to typhoon Ramon. It was indeed an unforgettable times. I went home for Mama's birthday too.

November: ANother heartbreak from so many heart aches. He did not even exerted effort to make way for us. We met at the last day of my Cebu trip and I thought there would be reconciliation but really we didnt talk about it. It hurts. It hurts.

December: So much of everything, I wished the year would just end happy for me but no. It was worst, Mama had attack on my birthday, celebrated Christmas in hospital and the person I thought would be there was not at all.

So here's my two cents of the new Year! 
I'll move on. I'll grow. I'll appreciate more what and who I have. I'll smile. I'll still cry. I'll be stronger. I'll be wiser.

My New Year's thoughts after all:

Be humble.
Be honest.
Be healthy.
Be happy.
Be home.