Unexpected (4/3/2010)

I do believe that life would give one so many surprises. Kinda the thought on "expect the unexpected". Life is amazingly surprising and unpredictable. Things will just happened and sometimes, they always do not go according to my plan or your plan.

Just few days ago, I recieved a text from an unknown number. The message was simply "hi" so I replied "helo" and ask "May I know who is this?". To my delight or I mean surprise, she was the current girlfriend of my ex way back 3rd year college. This ex of mine, we were ok, I mean we're friends or I thought so. Just last year he was saying about his feelings still for me but knew that I'm committed to somebody. He found it hard to move on, that's what he said. I even asked him, "would it help If I won't communicate with you?", to which he answered "No, he will do it himself when he is ready and still want our commnunication". Of course, he is a friend for me, a dear friend and I'd only wish, we would be friends still no matter what had happened to us in the past. I even shared to him just like a brother how my lovelife currently is on the verge of breaking down and how I'm hanging on to it struggling. Just like brother, friend.

I thought it was ok. But then, around Feb this year, I recieved a text message from his number though the message was from somebody else. The message was for me stop bothering them so I asked who was on the other side sending me message to which he replied, "don't mind the text, sorry for the disturbance". So I forgot about it. About a week after that incident, another text again, more harsh saying i am destroying their lives. I thought it was unfair for me because I am doing nothing. So I asked the guy again, if who was that texting me those stuffs. He just said "ignore it, don't mind". So I dropped my case but I felt being played by not a funny game.

Come March, another thext asking me to stop texting or communicating with the guy. I figured out it was something. Then I recieved a text from the guy asking me to stop texting him anymore. To which I replied, sure I wouldnt bother at all if it helps them and I would love to help them too. Like what I offered before just to help him move on. Case and Point. I already assume that the one texting me is a girlfriend of his wven without him telling me and I really have no intention to intrude into their relationship. What was for me, my relationship with the guy was just friendship after our break up years ago. Of course, I know the limitations of that friendship as I know we had a past and he still felt something for me as he said and I have a relationship.

Come 3rd week of March, I recieved a text from him. He was saying "wish you were here...". He was drinking and drunking as it sounded. So being a concerned person as I am, I replied and asked him what was wrong. He just replied, alcohol helped him momentarily to forget what he felt. So I asked him again, what is really wrong or did they broke up. I assumed from his not-straightforward-answer that it was what happened. I advised him that drinking himself to death does not lessen his problem or solve it. If they broke up, he could always try his best to do all he could do to resolve the issue. It is the obligation of the guy to at least give the effort in trying to solve issue in the relationship. Do the initiative. I said to him "how you won her before, you could use it again to win her back now". His response "I don't know what to do".

March 29 evening, I got a chance to open my facebook account. He popped up facebook chat message. Our felw lines.
H: Hello,
M: Hi,
H:Muzta? (how are you),
M: I'm ok, u?,
H: Fine, graveyard(pertaining to his duty schedule);
M: Good.
M: I mean good that you're fine. GTG (as I just hitched in my friends laptp and internet)

Surprisingly, the day after that I recieved that text I mentioned earlier. He mentioned her name, so I asked what could I do for her in the most friendly way I know. She replied "nothing, just want to thank you for giving him a piece of advice to win me back". She even added words like he really loves her because he did his best to win her  back. I eagerly replied, "no problem, I'm glad to help people in love and I'm glad you're both ok now". I said thesewords because it was intention the first place and indeed I was happy that they were okay. I thought it was reconciliation for her and for me though there is really nothing for me but I am happy if that would give her peace of mind.

The next things or texts messages that followed were totally unexpected.  I thought it was okay already when few moments later she texted again. So many words, basically her argument was that I am destroying their relationship whcih I really don't know how to answer, I'm innocent. I wanted to shout. At first, I was holding back my irritation on those crazy arguments she threw. I tried not to response even I really wanted but then, I've gone out of patience and replied to her insecurity issues.

When you're thrown a stone specially if you do not know where it was coming, when it hits you. It really hurts. That's I felt, I really don't know why am I causing her pain or her problems. I am innocent. So I defended myself. We exchange words but in my part I'm still trying my best to hold back emotions from her painful words. I know that she just was carried away by whatever emotions she felt. In the end, I felt tired of arguing, defending myself. It was actually pointless, she has a closed mind. All she has was anger, wrath and rage for me which I really was hurt. Why someone could hate me as such when Im doing nothing.

I realized, I shouldn't have responded to her arguments. I shouldn't have reciprocated her messages/insults/painful nothings. I just should have tried to understand whatever she moght be going through. But I am just human, I got hurt too. That was natural tendency to defend myself, any human would do. When are are being attacked. But then, all it got me was more insults, more harsh words and it hurts even more. I tried calm myself. I was i the office that time, so I have to focus too. From morning till afternoon, I continued recieving texts from her. I asked for God's wisdom in that moment and the guidance to respond to her. My last text for her that day was simply tothank her for the stones because at that time, those stones really made something for me. I never ever encountered that kind of situation in my life and somehow I survived it without crying as much as I would really like to.

That day was Good Monday, I attended a Lenten recollection that night and HE gave me the answer as to why something like that day happened to me. In preparation for my holiest week. The next day, going in peace to the office when all of a sudden around lunch time, she texted again.Much worst than yesterday, I felt opressed. Cursing words even. It's like I am a condemned criminal for her. It's really self-devastating but I remained calm, strong and understanding. With all the humility no matter how hard it was. I finally let out one last long text to her. It said there, I really wouldnt want to text or reply to her at all to avoid anymore arguments. The accumulations of pain on both sides while we continued to argue is just intolerable anymore. I kept thinking how to do it, be humble and ask for apology for a sin I know I didnt do. But I did. With all humility and kindness, I gave her forgiveness and I asked apology. She replied again, she didnt need my forgiveness. She hates me. That hurts.

I didnt reply anymore. I deleted their numbers. The connection and prayed they live in peace. Life gives us the unexpected, sometimes surprisingly great sometimes surprisingly troublesome. It's how we deal with it.


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